There was a time, not so long ago, when my daughter (currently 8 years old) did not like to talk about uncomfortable feelings like sadness, fear, and especially shame. She didn’t like talking about her own feelings or other people’s. Whenever I mentioned feeling words or started to guess people’s feelings, she would ask me to stop and sometimes even run away, particularly if it was about her feelings.
Then, the other night, something happened and I expressed some frustration that wasn’t aimed at her and she started blaming herself. I asked her not to take it on, told her it was my responsibility too and that there was no need for her to blame herself. She turned to me and said:
“Mummy, just let me feel ashamed!!”